All alone in Kanpur! Devil hits me.

This post is not ment for everyone.You would be able to appreciate it only if you have been in touch with me.

For the last five years I have been away from my home. For the first(2001-03) two years(11th and 12th)I was physically at home but was mentally lost in my PCM books. Those two years literally dried many emotions in me. The desire to get through JEE had made me indifferent to everything else happening around me except my acads. The only answer I could imagine to all my problems was getting through my pre engineering entrance. I had lost my communication skills; I literally couldn't speak at social gatherings. I forgot what happiness actually was. There was a good long period of over two years that I had not laughed my heart out, and truly speaking I couldn't sense that during that period. I had even lost my sense of humor (which I still haven't regained) which I used to have in the school days. I used to be a jolly character in school troubling teachers throughout. At home I used to tease my sister and kept giggling whenever mama was angry. My sister got married during that two year period too. I hardly remember spending any time with her in those two years. I still feel disheartened for that. I did get through JEE,its a three year old story now but......the cost I paid was pretty expensive. The kind of pressure that is created on students in these competitive exams is not healthy. It actually reduces the potential of a student.

Now for the last three years I have been away from home physically. The desire to achieve no more sprigs in me. The word competition has lost its meaning; I don't find anyone around competing with me in any sense. Now all my actions are just concentrated to one aim, that’s developing myself the way I want it to be. To be emotionally stable and to give weight age to all the small events which pass by. Fun for the first time has found place in my being. I have analyzed my actions pretty late, but now that I have analyzed, I'll stick to the job that I should do, rather than doing what is idealistic. One really has small needs, our aim should concentrate to satiate them. So, I for a change have started attending social gatherings,marriages etc. All those changes need no description.

IT IS IMPORTANT TO DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE NEEDS AND YOU MUST ACHIEVE THEM WITHOUT SACRIFISING YOUR PRESENT.
BEING AT THE TOP IS NO ISSUE, DOING EVERY THING REMAINING ABOVE AVERAGE IS MORE IMPORTANT.